A Helper In Progress

*my lovely mascara that rylee found this morning and decorated her eyes and hands with

This picture pretty much sums up my week :) Complete with many more memorable moments. Like on weds when Trevor yelled in the face of my new neighbor because she told her son that it was time to go in. Trevor apparently didn't like the news of his new playmate having to go in and right in front of my very eyes screamed "NOOOOO!!!" in her face. Great way to introduce yourself to your neighbors. Well I took him inside quickly for discipline and left him in his room to give him a chance to regain some self control. Meanwhile I come out, say goodbye to my neighbor and put rylee in the car instructing her to get in her seat and buckle up. I run in to grab trevor, and come out a few seconds later to find that Rylee had managed to close the automatic door and look herself in, with my purse & keys inside. Nice. Learned THAT lesson the hard way. So Taylor and I talked with Rylee for 5 minutes pointing and motioning where she needed to "unlock" the door. She'd kept locking the door over and over and I'd say no "lower" so she'd go down to the floor looking for the button. My mind was racing as to what to do. Fire department? Call my dad? I was just thankful that it wasn't in the middle of a hot AZ summer. So I stopped and prayed and sure enough within moments she was back at the lock button and happened upon the unlock button instead. This is all in front of my other new neighbors who live across the street and leave their screen door open all day listening to the world outside. I'm sure I was quite the sight. Kind of like this morning while I'm in the restroom and I hear trevor yell, "Rylee is outside!!" So there I am again, in front of this screen door, running in my PJ's with a child who just keeps running farther away from me.

It's not easy being a mom. It's not easy being a mom when your husband is out of town for five days. Chris left monday to take a class at the Pastor's College. There were times early on in our marriage where I would be overcome with fear when trips for Chris drew near. Not being the quiet type I would often voice my "fears" in a sinful way to my husband. Making him feel "oh so great" for leaving town, essentially for doing his job. Over time the Lord has convicted me of my sinful attitude and with each passing trip and by his grace I can see growth in trusting the Lord for Chris' extended times away.

This last weekend I had the privilege of attending a Susan Hunt conference. It was amazing and I'm sure will be the source of many blog posts to come. Being a helper as defined by scripture was one of many topics she covered. Helper in the bible is the Hebrew word ezer as seen in Gen 2:18. "Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” In the Old Testament the same word ezer often refers to God as our Helper. What a thought! I have the opportunity to be Christ- like in my role as a helper to my husband. She gave us a list, not exhaustive, of ways the word describes God as helper:
Defends- Ex 18:4
Sees and Cares for suffering- Psalm 10:14
Supports- Psalm 20:2
Protects- Psalm 33:20
Delivers from distress- Psalm 70:5
Rescues- Psalm 72:12-14
Comforts- Psalm 86:17

I can't think of a better way to prepare for a week alone then being washed by the word. Going into the week I had the chance to be a helper to Chris by joyfully embracing his call as a Pastor and seeing and supporting this trip as a means to help him in his role. He went to be taught by Andreas Kostenberger who has written commentaries on the book of John. Which happens to be the first book Chris preaches through for our church plant in Peoria. So in a sense not only did I have the chance to be a helper to my husband but to our Peoria church as well. What an amazing opportunity! When I embrace my role as helper, I am free to release my husband with joy, not begrudgingly, and pray for him while he is gone. I am also free to laugh at those funny moments of insanity that come and go all week, instead of resenting my husband for being gone. God's grace is sufficient for each and every circumstance that I encounter and I can say with joy that His grace has been sufficient for me this week!

Sadly, as I have confessed, my attitude has not always been one of a joyful helper. I am thankful that I am forgiven and helped by THE perfect helper, God. There are implications reaching in these scriptures that far surpass this trip. I'm excited to see how the Lord uses Susan's teaching and His word to encourage my growth in biblical womanhood! And I'm also excited to have my husband return home tonight :)

Leaning

I have felt as of recently that I've come to the end of myself. My strength, my wisdom, my ability to to just keep going. The kids have been in a difficult season as of late and my temptation, as always seems to be my first inclination, is to just try harder. Work harder. Or sometimes it's the other extreme and I just want to ignore all the that needs to get done right in front of me. One thing I know for sure. I cannot, nor will not, ever get anywhere in my own strength. I must throw myself at my Savior's feet and cry for grace and mercy over and over again!

You are to lean upon the fullness of your Beloved. He is full and sufficient for all the wants of His people. A circumstance in your history canoot possibly occur, a necessity in your case cannot arise, in which you may not repair to the infinite fullness which the Father has laid up in Christ for His church in the wilderness...Distrust then your own wisdom, look from your own self, and lean your entire weight upon the infinite fullness that is in Christ. The posture is expressive of conscious weakness and deep self-distrust.

Who is more feeble than a child of God? Taught the lesson of his weakness in the region of his own heart, and still leaning it in his stumbling, falls and mistakes, many and painful, in his self-inflicted wounds and dislocations, he is at length brought to feel that all his strength is outside of himself...How shall I ever fight my way through this mighty host, and reach in safety the world of bliss?

By leaning daily, hourly, moment by moment, upon your Beloved for strength. Christ is the power of God and He is the power of the children of God... Lean, then, upon Jesus for strength. He has stength for all your weakness; He can strengthen your faith, strengthen your hope, strengthen your courage, strentghen your patience and strengthen your heart for every burden, for every trial and for every temptation. Lean upon Him, He loves to feel the pressure of your arm; He loves you to link your feebleness to His almightiness, to avail yourself of His grace. Thus leaning off yourself upon Christ!
Octavius Winslow


Yes that is my prayer. When faced with constant tantrums, I lean. When battles arise over math, once again, with my daughter, I lean. When my little one escapes her crib time after time, refusing to nap, I lean. When fears of church planting or our house situation arise, I lean. And in leaning there is always grace.

Reaping What You Sow

I've been dwelling a lot lately on the Proverb, "Train a child in the way he should go and when he is older he shall not depart from it." It's one thing to read this and believe its' truth but another thing to put it into action. Training lately for me on good days is exhausting. Although I'm thankful for the wisdom I've received in picking my battles, there are days when I'm tempted to just not pick any battle. What dangerous ground I'm treading on! For I know that anger unchecked will lead to rage, strong wills will lead to rebellion and lack of self control will make for one lead by self, not God's word.

Recently I've been experiencing back pain. It began about four months ago and has worsened over time. I've wondered if it's just the result of overdoing it or something that happens to all moms with small children. Last week it began affecting my sleep and well sleep is something I take seriously :-) So I scheduled an appointment with a chiropractor from our church. After a set of x-rays he confirmed that things are indeed not normal and I have some definite disc degeneration. Over the course of two appts. he'd would ask me if I had experienced some sort of trauma in my teen years. A car accident, fall? I told him nothing came to mind, maybe it was the result of my competitive softball days. Ya know one to many slides into home base. After going over my x-rays with Chris & I he again said he believed my problems first began with a serious fall about ten years ago and has worsened over time. At that moment I knew exactly what he was talking about. The memory was triggered. 16 years old, Pinetop AZ. I was climbing a tree, hoping impress a guy I liked. (don't ask... now you know why I tried to repress this memory) Well I got pretty high, branch snapped and BAM! I fell hard. Right on my tail bone. I gave everyone a good scare but I was fine, embarrassed, but still in one piece. Driving home from this recent Dr's appointment I was struck with how I could possibly be paying the price from this silly fall that happened over ten years ago.

Where will my children be in ten years? What price will they paying? Or better yet what will they be reaping due to my parenting? It's sobering for sure. I've been re-reading JC Ryle, The Duties of Parents and my soul has been stirred to more diligently train my children. To pick these battles now even though I'm tired and just want to turn a deaf ear.

XVI Train them remembering continually the promises of scripture.

You have a plain promise on your side, "Train up your child in the way he should go, and when he is old he shall not depart from it" (Prov. 22:6) Think what it is to have a promise like this. Fathers and mother, when your hearts are failing and ready to halt, look at the word of this text and take comfort.

Think, too, what the promise contains, before you refuse to take comfort from it. It speaks of a certain time when good training shall especially bear fruit- when a child is old. Surely there is comfort in this. You may not see with your own eyes the result of careful training, but you know not what blessed fruits may not spring from it, long after you are dead and gone. It is not God's way to give everything at once. Afterward is the time when He often chooses to work, both in the things of nature and in the things of grace. Afterward is the season when affliction bears the peaceable fruit of righteousness (Heb 12:11). Afterward was the time when the son who refused to work in his father's vineyard repented and went (Matt 21:29). And afterward is the time to which parents must look forward if they see not success at once- you must sow in hope and plant in hope."


Chris & I are blessed to be around beautiful families that are reaping the hard work that they sowed when younger. Families that still enjoy being together making memories even though the children are off and married. Daughters who go on trips to Europe with their mom. Sons still golf and eat wings with Dad. I see this and most definitely want it now. Particularly when Chris is home. I can be tempted to think why can't everyone just get along and be one big happy family? Not to say we don't have moments that we treasure and love now as a family but the afterward has not yet come for us and well there is A LOT more work to do!

So moms do not grow weary with your constant sowing into your young children. For we have the promise of scripture on our side! And teenagers.... don't be silly and climb trees :-)

A Daily Choice

"Fearless femininity is tested in the moments of life. In our day-to-day living, we want to be women who match the moment with fearless femininity. This involves a daily choice to trust God completely. This mean that whether we are mopping up apple juice and glass shards, repairing a damaged relationship, or struggling to comprehend those devastating test results in our doctor's office, God calls us to respond with strength and dignity and a settled expectancy about the days ahead."
Fearless Femininity pg 200

I have a daily choice to trust God completely. It's sounds easy but off I go into my days with my plans and schedule. Then suddenly and almost daily, interruptions come. Of course it's my choice to think of them as interruptions. I should rather think of them as God's ordained plan for me for that moment. I love the picture she gives of a woman, clothed with strength and dignity and a settled expectancy about the all that lies ahead. In the beautiful high calling of biblical womanhood there is no place for a frazzled, hurried, angry or frightened woman. Just a settledness that God knows, He cares and that He has ordained all her days. Oh how I can grow in trusting God for my day to day moments!

Ruth

I have been reading Ruth this past week and using Ian Dugid's Reformed Expository Commentary as help. This book was another gift given to the Pastor's wives at the Leader's Conference. I have throughly enjoyed his insights into the book of Ruth! It is often humbling to read a commentary and see how much I miss on my own! I'm so thankful for men like Ian, who can share their years of study on the word with others like me.

I sadly can often doubt that God will meet my daily needs for grace and endurance in parenting. I can turn to people and things other the the Lord to get me through a day. I can allow myself to think " I just need a nap, or I just need Chris' help... or anyone's help!" I was encouraged by Ian's words this morning that it is only God who can meet my daily needs and that HE has meet my greatest need in Jesus!

"The cost for Naomi and Ruth to have their deepest need supplied was for Jesus-the ever-living One-to taste death in their place. The cost for us to have our deepest need met, our need for salvation, was for the Sinless One to be made sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteous of God (2 Cor. 5:21)

"Is your heart constantly ignited by the glorious grace and covenant faithfulness of God? We should trust in Christ alone for our daily bread instead of wandering off to search for crumbs in the field of another. The temptation is real for us to doubt his good provision for our needs and to look to ourselves or to others to provide for us. We are easily cast into despair and bitterness when we find ourselves scraping the bottom of life's barrel, and we turn our backs on the bread of life in favor of bread that will not satisfy.... if we fix our eyes on the glorious grace of God, and his costly answer for our deepest need, then we will not so quickly doubt that he will meet all of our other needs. Since the Lord has shown us this covenant faithfulness, will he not order all things well in our lives? In sickness or in health, in poverty or in riches, for better or for worse.. all of these conditions come to us as part of His perfect plan for us and must in some way work for our blessing!"

It's My Call and I Can Cry If I Want To

Ok so I'm not crying yet but there has been a bit of an adjustment this morning. We got home wedesday night from Maryland and Chris had taken the rest of the week off foreseeing that we'd need some time to get caught up on life again. He was right and it has been a wonderful couple of days having him home (really a full two weeks of being with him) For one we have seen a lot of fruit in Trevor. Their have been fewer tantrums this week and he has been quicker to respond to instruction. He has also learned his first scripture verse, Eph 6:1 and has come to love a book that is not about trains! God's Big Picture Bible! He brought it to me last night and said "Mommy read Jesus please?" Chris has also been busy fixing things up around the house. Ask him about the new shower head... it's amazing and he'd love to tell you about it :-)

All that to say, today was his first "real" day back to work. And it didn't start out slow either. He had a 7am morning meeting so I began real life early. After a couple hours of tantrums, wiping a constant runny nose (taylor has a cold) and cleaning up spit up pile after spit up pile, I was left wondering how on earth I've done it without Chris before today! So in desparation I grabbed some scriptures and mothering quotes that have encouraged me in the past. I pray that God would give me strength and endurance to manage my home today with grace. Here are a few reminders of the high call of mothering, just in case some moms out there need them too:

"No job on earth takes more physical, mental, social, emotional and spiritual strenth than being a good wife and mother. If a gal's looking for the easy life, she might try teaching tennis, cutting diamonds or joining a roller derby team. There is nothing easy about good mothereing. It can be backbreaking, heart wrenching and anxiety producing and that's just the morning." Stephen Bly, How to Be a Good Mom

"Being a mom is more than being cook, chauffeur, maid, counselor, doctor, referee, disciplinarian, etc. (just to name a few). It's about modling character, building confidence, nurturing, training, and guiding. There is nothing like the influence that a mother has on her child. A mother's influence ahs enormous potential to shape ther person a child becomes, for good or ill." Ginger Plowman, Don't Make Me Count To Three

I seldom feel like much of an adventurer- standing in this kitchen, pouring ceral into bowls, refilling them, handing out paper towels when the inevitable cry comes: "Uh Oh. I spilled." But sometimes at night the thought will strike me: There are three small people here, breathing sweetly in their beds, whose lives are for the moment in our hands. I might as well be at the controls of a moon shot, the mission is so grace and vast. Joyce Maynard, Domestic Affairs

2 Cor. 12:9 "My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness"

Biblical Womanhood By Example

I'd like to highlight another point of Dave Harvey's message today.

" The primary role of the pastor's wife is to serve and support her husband and family. But this role carries a wonderful secondary opportunity- to use her position of influence towards affirming biblical womanhood through women's ministry and MODELING biblical femininity to the church as outlined in Prov. 31 and 1 Tim 2 & Titus 2".

In this season of small children it often takes everything I have to serve and support my husband and family. And although my days of meeting with ladies outside the home are few and far between, I still have the privilege and calling to model biblical femininity as I serve & support Chris and the kids. Dave Harvey pointed out that "they" the church, particularly women, are watching. I am never more aware of eyes watching than on Sunday morning as I stroll in by myself with three children four and under. Usually with one of them crying and yes, usually it's Trevor putting up a fight as I lug him over the gate into nursery and run. Which is now so conveniently located right out front in the main lobby. For everyone walking into to church to see. It is a humbling experience!

This morning as I mopped my floors, for a second time in less than 24hrs, the Lord brought a faithful biblical woman to mind. Someone that I have had the privilege to watch. We had singles care group at our house last night and close to 30 people came. It was wonderful! Or so I hear, sorry guys.... I had to bail out early. I think all the mopping tired me out ;-) Knowing and hoping to have a couple who are unbelievers over after church tomorrow I began to mop, again, in preparation for their company. It was then that the Lord brought this woman to mind. She was my singles pastor's wife WAY back when. I think they've known me since I was like 13, right guys? Anyway, a deeper appreciation grew in my heart for her and her faithful hospitality each week for us as singles. None of us were there while she prepared her home and often meals for us each week, having three children of her own. We were just beneficiaries of her marvelous gifting in hospitality. We were always greeted with joy and left with her thanking US for coming into her home. Her example has inspired me in my hospitality to the singles that Chris and I have the privilege to minister to. So thank you Carol. Thank you for your example in Biblical Womanhood. I pray that I too may be a faithful example to my church in displaying biblical womanhood.

Loving God more Than Chuch

Sounds like an oxymoron doesn't it. By no means is this post in support of not needing the local church. That you can love God and find God all on your own without the support of a local body. See I love church and when I was single it took being in bed with pneumonia to keep me from attending. I love worshipping with other believers, I love hear the word preached and discussing it with others afterwards. Since being married I have enjoyed debriefing as husband and wife over the message and seeking to apply it to our lives. Since having children I have delighted in seeing Taylor learning God's word on Sunday morning and going over what she was taught that morning. I love it so much that as of late is has been an idol in my heart. Our church is undergoing a lot of construction and it is really exciting to see all that's happening but one groups of people affected is those with children under one. Particularly those, like me, who have children under one walking. So I have spent many Sunday's this past year in the lobby unable to hear the preached word. The Lord in his kindness has used this to bring about contentment in my life. I have learned to trust God to meet me in the lobby- to be thankful to have the opportunity to be around other believers. As of recent months my two children have taken turns being sick. So I have had to forego the lobby and stay at home. Being home has made me thankful for the lobby :-) We all made it in good health last week and I thought we had made it through the sickness trial. So much to my surprise and well disappointment, Taylor was up last night with a runny nose and slept into 9am making for yet another Sunday morning at home. So as I struggle with my sin I am faced with the question- do I love God more than attending church? Do I love God and therefore will delightfully submit to his will for me to stay at home while Chris and others meet together? Can I embrace that loving God means caring for my children and trust that he will meet me,Tara, at home on this Sunday morning? I pray that I would be found faithful!

"All I hath needed his hand will provide. He's always been faithful to me"